Thrown for a loop

And just like that...the crappy week gets worse.
I knew last week was too good to be true. Right now I am writing to vent a little bit and then hopefully that will open my brain to writing so I can finish these damn patent search and codes write-ups. Did our presentation today for our senior design project. Totally do not have the report written, but we will all work it out tomorrow hopefully. I don't really want to be working on it when Kelley comes up. Of course sometime I have to study for my final tomorrow. I could just go in cold, because in this class it is just as well. Oh well hopefully things will go better...I have done everything on time so far this week but the work is far from done. I cannot wait until Monday.
And then last night Kelley finally tells me off for talking about Magic. I had it coming, but of course my hobby and my fiancee cannot get along. I just keep checking on the vacation plans because I want to know if I can go to Regionals this year. Now it looks like we will be driving back Saturday on that day. If it were that big of a deal I would make more of an issue, but it is not. I just want to try and go if I can. And of course this is all exacerbated by Extended season which has run for the last month and ends in 2 weeks (but it is over for me due to winning last weekend, besides my last one would have been this weekend). Basically I tried my hardest with this extended season to go visit on Thursday night and come back Friday night so I could go with the guys on Saturday. I have made school weeks awful sometimes this quarter work-wise because I get behind. It is my choice to go spend time with the guys and spend time with Kelley. I want to do those things so that I have a life. I just hate these fights over Magic. I limit myself because of Magic on weekends and she is limited by her church job. I would not want her to give up her job because it is cool and good money, but it puts so much pressure on Saturday then. I'm sorry I was an ass over bringing up Regionals and the Columbus PTQ (the day we leave for Boston) a few times, but I just cannot help but shove my foot in my mouth. Considering I will probably miss the next two weeks, I want to drop by the Guardtower and discuss the Pro Tour format with Mike the other Q'd guy from the shop. I will be back in time for Emily to arrive (I did not know she was arriving so late) and no big deal. And then when we are fighting (Kelley and I), she just goes absolutely quiet. I talk to a wall for a half hour, putting my side of the story and my view and my apology out there and I get silence. Then she says she has toruble expressing herself and she feels guilty over me missing tournaments and quitting the game in the future. What can I do? I stop going to torunaments and then she feels guilty....I keep going and she misses me. I cannot win. I just cannot win. And I know it's not a game to be won or lost, you just put up with life. Whatever, I'm just not dealing with it well right now. I'm going to go write about some useless damn patent search and make something up which will hopefully get us a decent grade.
I just cannot get my head off of it though. I've been thinking about her all day...I hope she comes up tomorrow night. I just need to have her here....to work this out, to be together. I give her the impression sometimes I value MAgic over her, and I just cannot accept myself for doing that. I am just so angry at the world and myself now. Sorry for the bad spelling, I probably messed some stuff up because I typed quickly.
-DF
-> 2 years, 3 months, and 29 days left...it cannot pass by soon enough