Breaking Political News

Just when things started to get interesting in the presidential primary, news has broken which simplifies things considerably. First, Mitt Romney has decided to "suspend" his candidacy after the dismal Super Tuesday showing. Based on the differing state laws, many of his delegates will now go to John McCain, solidfying a nearly insurmountable lead on Mike Huckabee in the GOP primary. The so-called conservative block will now not be split between Huckabee and Romney, so expect Huckabee to gain some ground in future primaries. It will not be enough to derail McCain, especially with all the delegates he will inherit from Romney. So the GOP goes to McCain.

All that doesn't even matter though, as we have late breaking news from an undisclosed location between Columbus and Belpre, Ohio. At 5:02 EST, Aaron Applebaum, famed editor of the Ohio State Journal on Criminal Law, has formally announced his endorsement of Barack Obama for the presidential race. With $7.2 million dollars raised in the 48 hours following Super Tuesday and this blockbuster endorsement (as well as Hillary running out of money), Obama will be the first black, oops I mean African American president in US history in 2008.

When asked why he endorsed Obama, Applebaum was kind enough to elaborate: "Well I was kind of leaning toward McCain as a centrist candidate, but then I went to his website looking for his stance on the issue I care most about, that being education. In the list of Issues on the McCain homepage, there are 13 separate listed issues but education is nowhere to be found. This troubled me too much to ever think about endorsing Mr. McCain. Huckabee is a religious right psycho, Ron Paul's supporters scare me, and as for Clinton...well if Bill were running then OK but this country is not quite ready for her to be the first woman president, as my good buddy Oprah Winfrey says."

There you have it: the most important endorsement of the campaign trail has come in, and Obama should certainly expect another jump in fundraising following this monumental achievement.

Stay tuned tomorrow as we cover: Indiana Hoosiers, fraud or contender; and we have an insider scoop on where Bob Knight is going next (heads up Kelvin Sampson, better get the resume going). Until then, this has been breaking news brought to you by ANN, the Apple-Bottom News Network.